290-malala

Malala Yousufzai.

For 20 years Rashid waited for this day. But instead of boarding the plane, he returned his tickets. It all seemed so meaningless to him after reading how a 14-year old girl, Malala Yousufzai, was gunned down for seeking education.

Rashid’s daughter always wanted to visit his village with him but he always said no. “Complete your education, get a nice job and then come with me,” he argued.

She did as he desired: a master’s degree, in economics, from an Ivy League college and a job with the World Bank. Now he was ready to take her along.

Shamila was 5 when she came to America. Her father, Rashid Ahmed Khan came to this country on a visit visa but never went back. There was nothing to go back to.

In the village he was known as Sheeda but once he became a successful realtor in America, he repossessed the name his father gave him, Rashid Ahmed. He added Khan too because his mother once told him they were known as Khans before they were poor.

And when somebody calls him Khan Sahib – as most of his new friends do – he feels good.

But for him going back to the village with his daughter was more significant than being called Khan Sahib.

He wanted the whole village to see that the granddaughter of a woman who washed their dishes had graduated from an American university. She spoke better English than the sons of the local zamindars and also had a better job.

His village did not have big land lords. Most were middle class people who made enough to live comfortably. But because he was the son of a farm worker and a dishwasher, he was looked down upon.

His desire to take his daughter back to the village was linked to the way his mother was treated by these people.

Although her parents named her Fatima, everybody called his mother Phataan, as they called him Sheeda. People of their social status were not called by their proper names.

I first met Rashid Khan at Islamabad’s Marriot Hotel. I was waiting for a friend in the restaurant when I heard a loud noise. It startled everyone. When we searched for the source, we saw pieces of a plate on the floor. We also saw the man who threw it on the floor.

The waiter came running and asked what was wrong. Rashid asked for the manager and when the manager came, he picked one of the pieces and showed him.

“See these spots? You are charging hundred dollars a person for dinner and this is how you wash your dishes?” he shouted.

The manager calmed him down and brought him a clean plate.

But his action intrigued me. So I went to him while he was waiting for food and asked if I could share the table with him.

When he asked why, I said I guessed from his accent that he was from America. Since I also lived there, I wanted to join him.

“Where in America do you live?” he asked.

“In Virginia, near Washington,” I said.

“Oh, I live nearby. In Baltimore,” he said and asked me to join him.

By the time we finished our dinner, we were friends.

He said he wanted to have tea, and not the “gora chai” the hotel served but the real “doodh patti.”

I said I knew a place where they served the best ‘doodh patti’ in town and I that I could take him there if he did not mind my old Volkswagen.

On the way to the chai shop, he asked me: “Do you know why I threw the plate on the floor?”

I said I wanted to but did not know how to ask.

He chuckled and said: “Before going to America, I came here once. I was wearing clean clothes but not clean enough for them, so they threw me out. Today, I got even with them.”

“That you did,” I said.

While having tea, we exchanged phone numbers and addresses and stayed in touch in America too, particularly after he too moved to Northern Virginia.

He often said he was grateful to God for giving him a daughter, his only child. “I see my mother in her. And it makes me very happy when I see her going to school. I want her to be the most educated woman in our village and the best too.”

So I was surprised when he came to our travel agency to return the tickets he had purchased to take his daughter to his village.

“Yaar, I am sorry but I do not want to visit my village. Actually, I do not want to go to that country with my daughter,” he said.

“Why?” I asked.

He put a copy of the New York Times on my table and said: “Check the lead story.”

I read the headline: “Taliban Gun Down Girl Who Spoke Up for Rights.”

“Did it scare you?” I asked.

“Scared me? Yes, it did,” he said. “But it is not about fear.”

“What else then?” I asked.

“I think Shamila will not be respected there, no,” he said. “It remains the place where my mother was reduced from Fatima to Phataan. I thought all that had changed but it did not.”

I said he was paranoid. There were no Taliban in his village and his daughter will enjoy the trip. So he must go.


Comments are closed.

Comments (263)

Meher Zaidi
October 15, 2012 8:53 am
It is sad to hear what you think. It is even worse that you returned the gesture by breaking a plate. I am sure the manager and the waiter you humiliated had nothing to do with what happened to you years ago. I see your reference to the Prophet (p.b.u.h), well if you really want to pick and chose what he taught us then that is up to you, but he also taught to respect and not to humiliate, and not to take revenge. To win over people by love and respect! If you really care about your mother come and help ladies like her because by putting titles in your name does not make you a bigger or better person it is the actions that counts!!
Pramod
October 15, 2012 8:39 am
That does not mean Pakistan has lot of respect for Women. What BB had got is very much like passing on the power from a king to his heirs. Very much like Gandhi family in India. She got those pwoers because of her father . How many women from normal families has gone to reach that height.that is the question.
human
October 15, 2012 8:33 am
Muslims would do well if they try to be good human beings first, being good muslim will then follow.
Ahsan E.
October 15, 2012 8:29 am
And I dont blame Rashid...
Junior
October 15, 2012 8:21 am
Good on you. As long as law and its enforcement is not a reality in Pakistan, all are in danger. As long as polititians are corrupt, we are in danger. As long as the mafias are in force, we are in danger. I could go on and on, and the reason to say this is because across all the cities I have been too in Pakistan, I have allways seen the great diference between respect for and fear off. Respect: if you respect your women, why cant they go out without a gard? You dont trust her or you dont trust the man???????? If respect a woman, why she allways has to walk far behind you(the man)?????? If you respect your whoman, why you (man) continue sale them to the better party for marriege???????? If you love your whoman and respect them, why you only talk about love when you talk about your mother????Is it that the other whomen shoould'nt be loved??????? We could go on and on and on but I think this conversation should take place 20 years from now and see if the changes have really taken place. To the man that does not take his dougther to Pakistan, I think you are right, let you doughter know about Pakistan, from far. She save there? Or is she????????????????????
Nazim
October 15, 2012 8:19 am
I'm to wish very good luck to all Pakistanis living in or out side Pakistan. No need to be afraid of visiting Pakistan... you would get love, respect, prayers besides some negative remarks but it's all about life.... Probably a day would come when Pakistanis in America would be waiting in long queues to wait for their turn to return back to avail the same opportunities for the sake of which they had traveled to US....Regards!
Reas Ekbar.
October 15, 2012 7:58 am
Why should I want my daughter to love my faith? She should be free to chose her faith when shew grows up. This is what Allah wants. Malala's sad episode has nothing to do with Islam or religion. The world knows that a war is going on. A war between Pakistan and Taliban. Malala was obviously against Taliban and had criticized on record.. She should expect a lasting reward from her Lord for sacrificing for the truth.
akhter husain
October 15, 2012 7:55 am
My country is my pride.I do not care what it gives or takes away from me,for I am not a trader,but a citizen in its complete sense.We are the people who like wise and humble ones without any care of their wealth or status,nor vengeance is our trait
nt
October 15, 2012 7:41 am
After migrating in any western country and living a comfortable life with govt hand outs and working for cash money,they hate that country's religion and way of life and dream converting people of that country to islam
Suleman Khattak
October 15, 2012 6:50 am
No good idea to cancel your visit to Pakistan.Seeing is believing.Unless you come & visit Pakistan only then you can have a fair idea as what actually the situation is.Women in Pakistan is not the way it used to be when you were living here.Now the things have changed.Please visit Pakistan and live the way you used to live before,only then will you feel the difference.We welcome you, sir!
Krishna Bhagawan (@KrishnaBhagawan)
October 15, 2012 6:49 am
No it just mean you come from a previlaged background in pakistan. Ask your maid how is she treated
Manjee
October 15, 2012 6:26 am
Amna, I hear you. But your experience is not uncommon. My aunt Dr Parvathi, immigrated over 35 yrs ago from India to the US, and has worked in a hospital in Brooklyn. There, the top guy - a white guy - openly said he would not give women any high positions in the administration. So wherever we are, we women have to fight for our rights.
Sumit
October 15, 2012 6:21 am
It's not the few that he's worried about! It's the rest of them who don't stop this hatred that he's talking about!
Sumit
October 15, 2012 6:18 am
What the heck R U talking 'bout?! People are killing teenage girls in the US to prevent them from studying! I live in the US and to my knowledge nobody gets killed by right wing zealots for wanting to get an education!
Irfan
October 15, 2012 6:15 am
It does not matter who created Taliban. We know they are muslim, how come they follow their instructions.
Irfan
October 15, 2012 6:10 am
Its true that women are not respected not only Pakistan but as a whole Islamic Countries/Society.
Sue Sturgess
October 15, 2012 5:55 am
Whether or not a country has had a female political leader is but one small aspect of "respect for women". Perhaps a better indicator would be to ask how many American women want to relocate to Pakistan, compared with how many Pakistani women wish to relocate to America.
Dr. Malek Towghi/Tauqee (Baloch)
October 15, 2012 5:46 am
Thanks, Nisha !
Pervez UK
October 15, 2012 5:41 am
I think people have misunderstood Mr. Khans comments . He was talking about his village and the better off villagers attitude and NOT about the majority of Pakistanis .
Indian
October 15, 2012 5:40 am
Wrong...Indiara Gandhi took chair way before benazir..in 1966..
sf
October 15, 2012 4:56 am
If they are happier then why are they leaving the country.
AL
October 15, 2012 4:39 am
US ought to stop people like you from immigrating to the US in the first place. If you have spli.t loyalties, just stay home in Pakistan.
Tahir
October 15, 2012 4:37 am
Would you rather have Rashid stay in Pakistan to be subservient to your type...maybe so his daughter could be your maid? Oh, and BTW, what is your contribution to Pakistan, Ameer?
Virkaul
October 15, 2012 4:20 am
Problem solved......
Aamir Farooq
October 15, 2012 3:26 am
I worked in marriot islamabad for 10 years. nothing as such every happened. neither , till date has any one been charged $100 per person for a dinner.
jd shami
October 15, 2012 12:18 am
Thank you, stay over there. we do not need u here, we r already 185 millions of people here.
Gaiz
October 14, 2012 11:37 pm
some comments over here blaming America for everything. Blaming USA for Taliban wont help. Although America armed them several decades ago, does not mean they are fighting with the same arms. They have got new weaponry and new means to fight that America did not provide. Someone else did, it will be nice to introspect who did. Today America has no connection with Taliban and blaming America for the acts of Taliban is only as good as blaming me for the acts of my grand son. Doesn't work that way.
Backwoodsman
October 14, 2012 11:34 pm
After 2xBB, 2xMNS, decade of Mush, and King Zardari, we are still blaming Zia?
Roshni
October 14, 2012 11:00 pm
That is so true what you wrote, however I would personally be very cautious to take my daughter back there if I had a daughter. Unfortunately there is no safety and security there, it only takes once to hurt for life, don't want to take that chance. May Allah protect us all and safeguard us from the evil which can happen any place in the world. I sincerely hope that our authorities and armed forces in Pakistan completely eradicate those few who shoot, kill, and kidnap unnecessarily, I hope to see some action, it's time to clean up the country and preserve it's reputation. Inshallah!
Susan shaffer
October 14, 2012 10:52 pm
I married a Pakistani. I am a little surprised that the son of a dishwasher was able to get a visa. My husband has two degrees and we had to jump through a lot of hoops in order for him to come for a visit when our kids were born. I didn't want to risk anything when they were born because there are such high infant and mother mortality rates in pakistan. Anyway if it makes you feel better to smash plates. I see this as the old Pakistani way of humiliating someone rather than the western way of leaving no tip. My feeling about Pakistan is that there is not enough "bread and circuses" So I would rather my kids grow up outside Pakistan because of the opportunities. In the mean time we invest in Pakistan's future. With rolling blackouts businesses cannot work at full production. If the businesses could get enough electricity supplies then there would be enough bread for people. To address the circuses we are going to build water parks with restaurants. We will be giving free access from time to time to poor and to girls schools. I am sad that you want to turn your back on people who are like your mother. Think of them. You are in a position to make a difference. My personal feeling is that the USA should have invested in infrastructure rather than bullets and blood of their youth. Maybe my post will make some of you think about how to make the world safer for all.
Abrahim
October 14, 2012 10:11 pm
I would describe him nothing more than coward
sali
October 14, 2012 9:52 pm
How many places in Pakistan does this stroy applies? Malala represents a region and culture who triditionally have mixed their culture with religion. Please don't apply this to whole Pakistan.
Zubeida Khan (@NetSamui)
October 14, 2012 9:48 pm
Cannot get over it!!! So cruel!! We are not living in the Dark Ages!!
desi
October 14, 2012 9:18 pm
I think we need to be more specific about this here,don't talk about how the mothers and sisters are treated here,talk about how the wives are treated,thats where many aren't treated fairly and with much respect and thats the truth.
deepak
October 14, 2012 9:16 pm
strange pakistani psychic....on one hand they curse western world like anything....on the other hand they will do anything to migrate to these countries
David M
October 14, 2012 8:53 pm
Altaf 'bhai' should learn from Malala .. this teenager stood up to Taliban, while he hides in London!
afrem
October 14, 2012 8:41 pm
One day, the employee who washed the plate that the Khan Sahib smashed, will have a similar story story to tell about how an arrogant Pakistani cost him his job while he was the only bread winner to a family of six.
Asif Husain
October 14, 2012 8:15 pm
What happened to Malala is tragic and reprehensible but to use this attack on her by a bunch of extremists as evidence that women in general are not respected in the Pakistani society is gross exaggeration and misrepresentation of reality. How you treat a woman (like in any other society) will depend will upon your background, upbringing and education and women in most decent educated and sensible Pakistani families are given the respect and importance they deserve
T Shah
October 14, 2012 8:05 pm
Very touching story, we are also planning a vacation to Pakistan, but I will not change it, because those evil Taliban dont represent Islam, they are forcess of darkness, and if we dont go, they will win, and i will not abdicate my country to these evil Afghani backed Jahilan. If you love your country, dont abandon it, go there, and let the people see and hear from you what a wonderful world is out there, and we can make Pakistan bright like America also.
reality not selected truth
October 14, 2012 7:43 pm
I dont agree that women are not respected in pakistan. Working in pakistan in a govt. hospital one year was the best working place i have ever worked in. After that i came abroad and gone were all the previliges of being woman one received from peon to the head of department. I was used to get service without asking for it. People even took care of the fact that you being woman should not get tired. Their were some basic manners due to traditions. It took med 4 months to find out that many males at my work did smoking as they hid this from their female colleagues. To my surprize abroad noone offered to take your heavy baggage you have to carry it yourself. No male at job takes heavier work which i still think is extremely inappropriate. Noone has any self respect. They divide it exactly in half. All i want to say is there is a reason you got this height and strength. Use common sense certain things nature has decided. Women should be treated and respected like women nomatter where you are.
aziz
October 14, 2012 7:28 pm
I salute you man, you have exactly said that which I am feeling at the moment. Hats up for you.
aaa
October 14, 2012 7:16 pm
Dont get distracted by such news. Master degree is commonly taken by girls in pakistan as well. Rather more so by girls as they are more studious. This is a special case in a special area.
Nisha Rai
October 14, 2012 6:40 pm
Malek saab, salaam! It is people like you who work hard, take care of the family, educate the children, that make this world a decent place. No matter which country one lives in, study, study, study! Education is the key.
Shaukat
October 14, 2012 6:39 pm
It was a story made to demean Pakistan, I am living in Pakistan for last four years, but feel proud that most of the country is very good. People are innocent, connected and loving. Taliban are the one created by US, trained by US, and now we all face the consequences. There was nothing wrong in Pakistan. However, one thing is real that the system requires some mending. We love Pakistan we love her people. Taliban are not our people, they are aliens and are ruthless because of their training given by Pakistanis and US. Rasheed should have brought her daughter and would have enjoyed more to see his success graph. But he himself could not come out of the inferiority complex therefore it the story is true his behavior has issues. So do not take this a something to be scared off. Malala incident has proved that we will act brave and will throw this menace out of our borders by the help of our brave Army!
aqabdulaziz
October 14, 2012 6:32 pm
He is not a coward. He is just being pragmatic. As a father, he worries about her safety. Pakistan cannot provide safety. Even military and ISI officials move about in unmarked cars.
Danish
October 14, 2012 6:15 pm
I like his writings. But anyone who forms his or her opinion about Pakistan based on news stories will be looking at only half of the picture. Sure there are problems here, but show me a country that doesn't have problems? I think Mr. Rashid Ahmed should come to Pakistan. I'm sure that he'll be delighted that despite all the chaos, there is still hope.
T
October 14, 2012 6:05 pm
I hate to say it, but this man has to grow up. First of all he had no business throwing a plate in a restaurant that in all probability was under a different management when he "was thrown out". Secondly, he humiliated the other waiters and lowly paid staff at the hotel. It's good that he chose not to visit Pakistan. Pakistan can do without his inflated ego!
Nisha Rai
October 14, 2012 5:58 pm
Yes, as they say, "Only in America..." No matter what the rest of the world says, America is a beacon of hope for anyone on this earth. You can't say that for any other country!
khan in chandler
October 14, 2012 5:44 pm
A friend of mines daughter-in-law was gunned down in Islamabad a few years back by a fanatic from frontier, she is alive but lost control of her arm. That was her first visit ever from US after getting married, then the guy who shot her killed himself. Lesson learned: do not take your foreign born kids to Pakistan as they are not safe. Good job Mr. Khan, Pakistan needs to be safe before we take the kids there. Just to clear myself, I buy made in Pakistan things if I see them in a store, no matter what the price is, I travel on PIA and always have for the last 40 years in USA, now I am looking to outsouce my IT to Pakistan . So, I do my part, but will not allow this senseless violence on my kids.
Allaisa Xuver
October 14, 2012 5:42 pm
What in sarcasm don't you understand?